Sunday, January 15, 2012

Feeling Confused, Scared and Excited

I've been keeping busy mapping out my goals and what I really want to be doing with my running.  Last night after a few difficult days (I'll explain later), I decided to actually sit my butt down and figure out what I am really doing and what I want to be doing.  This may sound confusing to some readers because I haven't discussed the fact that I've been spending more time taking a tri class--swimming and biking a lot over these colder months.  The problem is I am trying to love it.  I am also told don't knock until you try it...or that I may love it once I do one.  Scott's probably having heart pain right now because he just bought me a trainer to practice the bike at home...  I am just not feeling it like I do with running.  I feel like the bike is a bit monotonous, which I am sure many bikers would say about running.  Swimming, I like that its a nice workout but I don't crave it...especially indoors--think swim cap, chlorine hair, tight goggles...ugh so annoying.  Running, I get my sneakers on, dress, eat a little something and go.  So, long story short, I will continue to use my trainer or go swim but for cross-training purposes. I do have two sprint tri's that I am already signed up for...I can't wait for the one in August...but that's that.  So now that I have figured out where I'm going this year--I want to pick another half marathon around April/May.  Any suggestions???

I actually first had defeated instead of scared...but I really want to call it what it is and I am certainly not the type to settle with defeated.  I am just plain ol' scared.  Lets just get down to it. I have had some pain in my left side/ovary area for some time now.  I went to the gyno for some other things and the doctor said, "Oh, we didn't know you were pregnant."  Um, I'm not (i say very nonchalantly) this is just what happens when I ovulate.  Now, I know I have had a cyst on my left ovary for a bit now and I explained that I thought this was 'normal'.  She said--you're headed to a sono now or tomorrow, depending on when the tech is there.  I went for the sono and then heard back from the Doctor a couple days later.  She found a "complex mass" and wants me to "get bloodwork as it looks looks like it could be tumor,what Im saying is we want to make sure its not a tumor.  A WHAT?!  Okay so Monday I go to get results from all of this and I am staying positive but its hard to not let the mind wander.  Its just very scary.  It humbles you and makes you stop and think (for way more than a minute).  It makes me think of SUARS post where she talks about ALL of OUR biggests leave those we love too early, to suffer.  God bless Sherry and her family...I will look for updates on the virtual run Beth is looking to organize in her honor.  Like I said...I am scared.  I am thinking and hoping and praying its nothing but until I find out I will allow myself to be a little scared.  Other than that, I had my little cry the first night and now I am done thinking negatively. 

I'm excited because I have decided that no matter if I am picked randomly or if I have to raise funds, I will be running the NYC marathon.  Its such an exciting thought for me!  I want to pick one or two other half marathons to do as well...been searching...again, any ideas??
Take a look at one of my friends blog On the Right Track...she's been putting her energy into starting her blog after becoming injured.  She's a fun read and could use a lil' encouragement to keep the blogging going and her spirits up!!! She also may be trying this run up above if all goes in her favor ;)

Did you ever try a tri?  Like it or not?
Any fun 1/2 marathons you would like to suggest?


  1. What a swirl of emotions you are feeling right now. You must feel a bit like you are in a blender!

    I have never been a swimmer.. for the very reasons you mention and I do intend to get into biking more this year, but I can see that a stationary trainer would be boring.. much like running on a treadmill is, I believe.

    I hope you will feel better about all of that once you can get outside to train and participate.

    Good luck with the health issue - I had a small mass removed years ago from one of my ovaries. It turned out to be a simple procedure and nothing of any consequence. Apparently not uncommon. I hope yours is similar.

    And how awesome that you are running NYC ! Loved watching the live stream and being able to track the runners I was cheering on from afar.

  2. (((HUGS))) I know that fear. About two years ago, I had a suspiciously enlarged lymph node in my neck. Thank God it was not what we were afraid it was, but the waiting was absolute torture. Praying for good results for you too!

    1. Pam thanks so much! I'm wondering if you get this...just tried this app out! let me know!

  3. oh! i cant even imagine how scared you must feel! you are definitely in my thoughts and i will be saying some prayers for you!

    i put my name in for NYC as well! fingers crossed :)

  4. I had an abnormal pap and had to go get an ultra sound every month for 3 months to make sure it wasnt anything to be alarmed about. I remember those feelings of worrying about it being something awlful. Try to keep positive thoughts I know its hard.
    I will keep you inmy prayers.
    Congrats on doing the NYC Marathon.
    I could never do a tri, I hate water and after several miles on a back my butt hurts to much. I too will stick with running.

  5. Annette,
    I will cheer you on at the NYC marathon. I'm hoping for good news for you on Monday. You have been in my thoughts.

  6. Let me know if you want to join me on one of my rides for a different cycling perspective.

    With health concerns, waiting completely messes you up mentally. My wife has gone through a similar deal and everything worked out. I'm sure it will for you too!

  7. Just came across your blog--good for you for testing out the tri! I prefer running too, but feel more balanced when i get some biking and swimming in...not sure if I'll ever do a tri, though. Best wishes on the mass... I've had some large cysts as well, and they've always dissolved on their own. Think positively!

  8. Good luck with the results from the Doc!

    I started triathlons 2 years ago & fell in love. I love breaking a race into 3 parts, and being able to feel like excitement of transitioning from sport to sport. As far as half marathons are concerned, the rock n roll halfs are lots of fun. Hartford Half Marathon in October is a good race as well. Good luck hunting for races!

  9. Wow - I hope you're medical issues ended up being ok! That can be so scary.

    Not sure where you are located in the country but Country Music Half Marathon in Nashville is fun (or so I've heard, never run it myself).

  10. I am so sorry about the scary news and am praying for GOOD news for you today so you can stop worrying.

    And Yay for NYC! I am running this year too. I qualified at my Disney races last weekend. We'll have to meet up! :)

  11. First -- I know yourtest results came back clear, so YAY for that!!!!!!! I am so sorry you had go through that scare, but I'm glad you are okay and that you are getting treatment. As for the rest....

    CONFUSED -- I'm with ya. I like to swim, but I never make it bc OMG what a PITA. Chlorine, showers, goggles and not to mention bathing suits.... UGH. And I just plain ole hate biking. Pretty much the only way to get me on a bike is to go outside in pleasant weather on a beautiful path with a picnic packed in the basket. But to sit on a hard uncomfortable seat, leaning forward stressing my lower back, so I can pedal endlessly INSIDE? Huh-uh. No thank you. However, we all know how imporant cross-training is, and I'm glad you are doing both these things bc running long distance does involve so much repetitive stress. So good or you, and keep up the good work!!

    EXCITED -- WOOHOOO!!!!!! We are sooooooo going to be there to cheer you on!!!!


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