Feeling Confused, Scared and Excited

Confused
I've been keeping busy mapping out my goals and what I really want to be doing with my running.  Last night after a few difficult days (I'll explain later), I decided to actually sit my butt down and figure out what I am really doing and what I want to be doing.  This may sound confusing to some readers because I haven't discussed the fact that I've been spending more time taking a tri class--swimming and biking a lot over these colder months.  The problem is I am trying to love it.  I am also told don't knock until you try it...or that I may love it once I do one.  Scott's probably having heart pain right now because he just bought me a trainer to practice the bike at home...  I am just not feeling it like I do with running.  I feel like the bike is a bit monotonous, which I am sure many bikers would say about running.  Swimming, I like that its a nice workout but I don't crave it...especially indoors--think swim cap, chlorine hair, tight goggles...ugh so annoying.  Running, I get my sneakers on, dress, eat a little something and go.  So, long story short, I will continue to use my trainer or go swim but for cross-training purposes. I do have two sprint tri's that I am already signed up for...I can't wait for the one in August...but that's that.  So now that I have figured out where I'm going this year--I want to pick another half marathon around April/May.  Any suggestions???

Scared
I actually first had defeated instead of scared...but I really want to call it what it is and I am certainly not the type to settle with defeated.  I am just plain ol' scared.  Lets just get down to it. I have had some pain in my left side/ovary area for some time now.  I went to the gyno for some other things and the doctor said, "Oh, we didn't know you were pregnant."  Um, I'm not (i say very nonchalantly) this is just what happens when I ovulate.  Now, I know I have had a cyst on my left ovary for a bit now and I explained that I thought this was 'normal'.  She said--you're headed to a sono now or tomorrow, depending on when the tech is there.  I went for the sono and then heard back from the Doctor a couple days later.  She found a "complex mass" and wants me to "get bloodwork as it looks suspicious...it looks like it could be tumor,what Im saying is we want to make sure its not a tumor.  A WHAT?!  Okay so Monday I go to get results from all of this and I am staying positive but its hard to not let the mind wander.  Its just very scary.  It humbles you and makes you stop and think (for way more than a minute).  It makes me think of SUARS post where she talks about ALL of OUR biggests fear...to leave those we love too early, to suffer.  God bless Sherry and her family...I will look for updates on the virtual run Beth is looking to organize in her honor.  Like I said...I am scared.  I am thinking and hoping and praying its nothing but until I find out I will allow myself to be a little scared.  Other than that, I had my little cry the first night and now I am done thinking negatively. 


Excited
I'm excited because I have decided that no matter if I am picked randomly or if I have to raise funds, I will be running the NYC marathon.  Its such an exciting thought for me!  I want to pick one or two other half marathons to do as well...been searching...again, any ideas??

also

Take a look at one of my friends blog On the Right Track...she's been putting her energy into starting her blog after becoming injured.  She's a fun read and could use a lil' encouragement to keep the blogging going and her spirits up!!! She also may be trying this run up above if all goes in her favor ;)

Did you ever try a tri?  Like it or not?

Any fun 1/2 marathons you would like to suggest?