Saturday, January 21, 2017

I'm Back-And Worse Off Than Ever

I know...its not the title that will bring a lot of readers...but that's not why I am back to blogging.  So much has happened in my life these past four years that I have lost a bit of who I am.  It's funny how life works.  Sometimes you feel like you know yourself so well...and then bang!  You lose yourself, you derail...in that derailment though there is a time when you need to look back and decide....which parts helped me, which parts hurt me, what do I want to get back, what do I want to continue and what do I want to do new.

I stopped running for a long spurt, a long spurt being 1-2 years.  When I say stopped...I mean I stopped the continuous daily run, the commitment.  I started to lift weights along with some spur of the moment 3 milers and an occasional yoga class.  There are many reasons why but I will save that for later....what's most important is that I stopped and I wondered a lot...which person is really me?  Am I the runner?  The person with goals?
                          OR...
Am I a person that likes the gym better, with a set routine, occasional runs on the treadmill?
                          OR...
Am I the person that does whatever I want, eats whatever I want, and then rushes around like a bat out of hell when I notice I am not fitting into most things in my closet, I am not truly happy with how I feel.

I am just at a point where I feel like--okay. Let's decide.  I love the FEEL of coming back from a run, I love the EMPOWERMENT I feel when I can pick up speed and run fast, I love being FREE when I am out in the open air, I pretty much love everything about it...which is why I get so confused to why I stopped?

Which is why I am writing.  I am writing to let myself feel and hear my own thoughts as I try to recover from some of the hardest years of my life...I am writing to help guide myself through this journey of getting back on track when you fall off.  I'm writing to help myself get back up and start off in the right direction.

I'll start slow.  I promise to myself to treat myself fairly....to enjoy the miles because the miles give me peace, they give me comfort and they bring me to my happy place.

Yesterday I ran 1 mile.  Today I ran three.

The journey back on track begins.





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